Posted on by kellyyarborough

Love My People

In case you didn’t know, I had the awesome joy and privilege of working in a cabinet shop.  Not only did I have the best job in the world, I worked for a man with great integrity and impeccable skills with wood. A true master craftsman.

Needless to say, I sure wish I could have learned some of his skill at crafting. It takes years and patience.  I don’t have a lot of either. Oh, well. I did learn a thing or two.

One thing about cabinet doors, if you want them to work properly, they need to be hinged.  Hinges can be concealed, which means they’re on the inside of the door or they can be exposed.  Now, you can purchase these nifty little gadgets, which clip onto the concealed hinges, to make your cabinet doors close softly, hence the term soft-close doors. That’s just a side note and has nothing to do with this blog.

Back to the hinge.  A hinge not only makes the door work properly it also sets the door placement.  If a hinge is out of alignment, the door will not close properly or you may notice the doors are not aligning.   Just a slight adjustment can make all the difference.  So, in order for a door to open and close properly a hinge system must be correctly installed. Not only does the hinge system need to be correctly installed but the entire movement of the door depends on the hinge.  In other words, the door hinges on the hinge.

In Matthew 20 Jesus is being questioned by the Sadducees and when he finally silenced them the Pharisees got involved.  An expert in the Mosaic Law posed this question to Jesus, “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?  And Jesus replied to him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul and with all your mind’  This is the first and greatest commandment.  The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself  [that is, unselfishly seek he best and higher good for others] The whole Law and the [writings of the] prophets depend on (hinge on) these two commandments.’ Matthew 20:35-40 (italics mine)

Why is this so important?  Why does it matter?  First of all, the Pharisees were trying to trap Jesus.  Not only does Jesus give the right answer, he goes a step beyond and gives the best answer.  The truth is, if we love God with all of our being, heart, soul and mind.  It’s easy to love others, even those who aren’t like us.

For most of us, me included, it’s a real heart issue.  God knew it would be and that’s why he told the Israelites, to first and foremost love him.  He also understood that everything, both good and evil, flow out of the heart. Jeremiah 17:9 ESV, “The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately sick, who can understand it? ”  Therefore, if we will give him our hearts, we give him our all. Lock. Stock. Barrel.

If you’re like me, the “thou shalt nots” will hang you up every time.  I spent far too many years trying to focus on the “thou shalt nots”. I’m one of those that have to prove things for myself.  I’m not a fan of denying myself pleasure or pain and let’s just say, I’ve learned many lessons the hard way.  I should have a Doctorate in the School of Hard Knocks. The soul is where the will resides.  For me, the battle goes on and on.  It’s the innermost part that deep emotion and expression are felt. If He has our soul, our deepest needs are met and our emotions can be kept in check.

One step beyond that is the mind.  For me that’s where the real problem is.  The mind plays tricks on you.  Battles are won and lost in the mind.  Temptation most often begins with a thought.  Giving in is the action to the thought.  How do we control our thoughts?  We don’t.  We have to take, “every thought captive to Him.”  He will give us the ability to control our thoughts, which will in turn will help control our mind.

I find it interesting that while, Amy, my daughter was at the Wailing Wall in Israel, she said God spoke very clearly to her that day and told her, “These are my people, all of them, regardless of race or religion and I want you to love them because you love me.”

She announced after her return that she wanted a tattoo.  She told her dad, “I already know where I want it and what I want it to say.”  Then she proceeded to tell him the story of her experience at the Wailing Wall and she’s going to have the words, “Love My People” written in Hebrew.  She wasn’t 18 and Terry wasn’t willing to sign for her to get one.  Instead he told her to wait for a year and pray about it and make sure that she wanted to do it.

Sure enough the year was almost up and she announced that she still felt to need to get the tattoo and she did.  (Picture above)

The interesting thing is that every time I see her tattoo, I am reminded that God tells me to love Him and love others.

Photo Cedit to WCU athletic photography

 

 

Posted on by kellyyarborough

The time his heart grew three sizes

“And what happened then? Well, in Whoville they say that the Grinch’s small heart grew three sizes that day” Dr. Seuss

It should come as no surprise that I love Dr. Seuss. I do have four children and my oldest, pictured above, had a passion for books from a very young age. Before he learned to walk, he would crawl with books in his hand asking me to read. So we read and read and read some more. In fact many of the books I memorized as did he but that’s not the point of this blog post.

Ned, my dad, pictured above had the same experience of the Grinch and the above picture reminds me of the time his heart grew three sizes in a day.

One important thing to understand is that Ned has never, and I mean never shied away from speaking his mind. He’s blunt! At any rate, when he found out I was pregnant with Ryan, he was not extremely overwhelmed with excitement. Actually, as I recall, he wasn’t really happy about it at all.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want grandchildren, he just didn’t think I was old enough or mature enough to be having a child. He was also concerned that I had not been married long enough and was concerned the marriage may not work.

He didn’t meet Ryan until he was three months old. You see, Ryan was born in Bremerton, Washington, my Mom and Grandmother were the only two of my family to meet Ryan, before we traveled to North Carolina.

Ryan and I stayed in North Carolina for about six weeks before returning to our home in Washington. Needless to say, it only took about a day for Ned to get attached to this little fella and the longer we stayed the more attached he became.

Two days before our departure is the first time I remember ever seeing Ned cry. He broke down like a baby and cried because his heart had grown so in love with his first grandchild. It hurt his heart not knowing how long he would have to go before seeing him again. That’s how I know that his heart grew three sizes the day they first met.

The above picture is taken from that time period and a great reminder that sometimes the greatest gifts of love come in the smallest of packages.

Posted on by kellyyarborough

FOMO

One evening at the Charleston Harbor, we stood and watched this sailboat.

I have never been on a sailboat. I’m not even sure my stomach could take it.

I found it fascinating to watch as the sailboat came from one direction, which initially seemed so far away, sailed right in front of us and then continued to move in the opposite direction until it was again barely visible.

A thought raced through my head, what have I missed out on by never going sailing? I pondered this thought, it didn’t take long for me to answer my own thought. Nothing, absolutely nothing because I have no desire to go.

The funny thing is that longer I lingered, the harder I tried to convince myself that I must be missing out. They looked like they were having a blast.

Funny how this is the very way we get caught up in things that are not good for us.

We watch others around us. They seem to be having a blast without us. Even though we know it’s beyond anything we desire, we continue to watch and observe. We convince ourselves that we must be missing out on something. In today’s world it’s called FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). So, we cave in, even when we know it is not good for us and most times not even something we have a desire to do. It’s simply because we might be missing out.

It is this fear that leads to many failed marriages and solid relationships. This fear drives wedges, even great chasms in families This fear drives, even the best brightest, to do detestable things.

So, how do we combat this fear of missing out?

Examine the motive. Why is this so compelling? Am I just trying to fit in? Am I afraid my life has or will pass me by?

Examine the heart. “The human heart is deceitful of all things and desperately deceitful. Who really knows how ad it is” Jeremiah 17:9 (NLT) Is there some hurt of pain from your past that had been unresolved that may be the driving force behind your decision.

Count the cost. Every decision both good or bad will cost something. Is it really worth the cost? Is it something you’re willing to live with the rest of your life. Is it a choice you can live with the rest of your life? Be willing to pay the price.

If I had someone tell me this long ago my choices might have been vastly different. Who’s to say? The fact is that I fight my own battles with FOMO even now. This is the reason I’ve always asked God to never let me forget where I came from. It keeps me humble and pliable and keeps my heart from wandering too far away.

Posted on by kellyyarborough

The gift of laughter

“The person who can bring the spirit of the laughter in the room is indeed blessed.” Bennett Cerf

It’s obvious is you watch my video posts that I am not the comedian in our relationship. Terry is. He’s witty and that’s what attracted me to him when we first met.

In fact, the first time he came for dinner, he spent the better part of 30 minutes telling my mom and sister that his parents served in the Armed forces in Korea and that’s why they chose Kim for his middle name. He had them convinced! I finally had to call his bluff.

When Mom and I worked for Barker Construction, she answered the phones. He would call and change his voice. Pretending to be a customer or vendor and at the right moment, when he knew he had fooled her, would start howling with laughter. I heard her from the other room laughing and saying, “Terry, you crazy thing, you!”

He’s just downright funny. He can’t help himself and it comes out naturally. You never know when it’s gonna happen either. He even laughs at himself. Just kills me and makes me laugh that much more.

I’m pretty much the opposite. I have very little wit and I am not funny. I just like to laugh and others seem to follow suit. I’m not a “Debbie downer”, I’m just a little more serious minded and can’t think of quick retorts. I’m one of those that come up with things weeks later. However, every once in awhile it happens for me. Something will just roll off my tongue and I surprise myself. Indeed, I’ve been around Terry way too long.

So, the other evening, after our date we stopped by the Fresh Market to pick up a few things. About half way home, I remembered I needed contact lens solution. I told Terry to turn around because we weren’t that far from Walgreens. He looked at me and said, ” And where is Walgreens?”

I replied, “On the corner of happy and healthy, of course!”

He didn’t laugh. He didn’t even utter as much as a soft chuckle.

Shocked that he wasn’t laughing, I said, “Really dude? You didn’t even laugh at that. That was funny.”

“I wasn’t thinking about what you said, I was just thinking about where I needed to go!” He replied

Needless to say, the past few days he’s had to endure hardship over not laughing at what I said.

And what say you? Funny or not funny. Now, I know good and well I can’t come up with a slam sandwich or Jethro Bodine Calmpett sandwich. I can’t put a cowboy hat on my head and start dancing around and singing. I can’t serenade him before the church service begins. I can’t drape a towel over m arm and pretend to be a waiter at some fancy restaurant. But when I say something funny, he should laugh.

Proverbs 15:13 A joyful heart makes a cheerful face, but with a heartache comes depression.

Posted on by kellyyarborough

Endless Summer Nights

Yesterday I drove to East Fork Baptist church to spend a little time with family, celebrating the recent marriage of Andy and Cassie.

On the way, the winding road always leads me to familiar places and reminds me of days gone by.

For years before the Rosman Highway was a four lane, it was easier to take Country Club Road, which intersects with Island Ford Road. The trip seemed endless. It’s really not that far but when you’re going to Grandma and Grandpa’s and your little heart is full of excitement and anticipation of romping around the property and playing with cousins. Well, it just takes forever.

I found a marker. A big red barn situated almost at the corner of County Club and Island Ford. I knew when we arrived at the big red barn, Grandma’s was a few short minutes away. Eagerness and anticipation most often overtook my body and I could hardly wait to grab the door handle, fling the door wide open and run up the stairs.

What was so special about going to Grandma’s? The people, of course. Aunts, Uncles and cousins galore. A real family affair. Also, the food. If Reese is your last name then it’s synonymous with food. We like to eat.

While the adults were doing boring things like talking and catching up and preparing the smorgasbord or food, the kids, if you were old enough, were outside playing. Kick ball. Tag. Red rover. Mother may I, and the list goes on….

My favorite memories are the lazy, long, hot summer days when we would go for dinner and stay until dark. No one ever got in a hurry to leave, giving us kids ample opportunity to scheme and devise plans to either stay with Grandma or stay with each other. It was simply the best of times.

Once we moved from Pisgah Forest to Columbus, NC, we weren’t able to go as often. It was never quite the same. How I treasure those endless summer nights at Grandma and Grandpas. The little rock house still stands today and every time I pass by, I am reminded of the joy and delight of days gone by.

Posted on by kellyyarborough

A crazy idea

Ever had someone present a crazy idea and ask you to be a part of it?  In December 2012 Ned announced that he would be planning a 35th Anniversary shindig for he and my mom.  A surprise shindig for her.  Stunned at his announcement, I thought, “Who does this?”

Ned, that’s who.  When I questioned his sanity, he simply stated, “Well, I doubt we will be around for 50, so I want to do it now.”  Fair enough.

This all came about after Ned successfully battled prostate cancer and had received a clean bill of health.  In fact, after his diagnosis and recovery, he did a lot stuff with great intentionality and fervency.

As with everything, he planned, Kristi and I helped.  He’s an avid planner and sees everything through to completion.  No stone was left unturned.

Fortunately, both Ryan and Matthew had leave and both were in Charleston, at the time. My brother and his son, Zach, were also able to make the trip from their home in Eugene, Oregon.  It was a family affair.

The event turned out beautifully.  They renewed their vows with all of their family and a multitude of friends.  A blessed occasion.

Little did I know at the time how special that event would be for me.  I still thought it was a little hair brained and crazy.

Now, here I sit four years later to tell you, that day has been etched in my memory for life.  You see, I didn’t know at the time what God knew.

First of all, last March, Ned was diagnosed with Stage IV Lung Cancer.  The initial diagnosis was bleak.  No chemo and he might live 4 months.  Chemo would give him 9-15 months life expectancy.  Suffice to say, he is now almost 17 months after being diagnosed and he’s still with us.

Secondly, it would be the last time my family of 6 would be in the same place, at the same time.  Yep, that’s right.  My two older boys have not seen one another in 4 years.

The anniversary took place in June and at the end of July, Ryan would be transferred to Groton, Connecticut to serve on the USS Pittsburgh.  Within about a month of his arrival, he was already doing short “under ways” in preparation for a 6 month deployment.  In the meantime, Matthew would remain in Charleston for the next 1 1/2 before being transferred to Hawaii.

Folks, let me tell you.  I am proud to have two boys serving our country but it’s hard on families.  Time and distance, coupled with little or no communication, makes it difficult. If it’s difficult for me as a mom, think of the wives and children affected.

What at first seemed to be a crazy idea was one of the very best things Ned has ever done. I am grateful and thankful for his persistence in following through with the celebration!

Posted on by kellyyarborough

Just as it should be…

It’s hard to believe that just nine years ago we were a family of six. Amy and I were totally outnumbered, just a whole bunch of boys.

In August of 2008, we loaded up two SUV’s and headed off to USC (South Carolina) to drop Ryan off for his first year of college. So much excitement but so much sadness. My firstborn. The one I had spent countless hours taking to while in the womb. The one I walked through the house pointing out anything and everything I could to him. The one I read to over and over and over again, until he turned three and discovered TV. The one whose blue eyes melted my heart every time I looked at them. The one God used to get me over myself. He was leaving. My heart knew it was time but the Momma in me wanted to keep him a little longer.

We adjusted. The dynamics changed for sure. Then we were five.

After Ryan’s freshman year, he decided not to go back. College was not for him. Once again, we were back to six.

Then it happened. June of 2010. We dropped Matthew off at the Navy Recruiting center in Asheville. Said our goodbyes and a few days later received his box of civilian clothes, including his cell phone. No cellphones allowed.  That was the hardest part.  Getting his belongings and not knowing how long it would be until I heard from him.

Now we’re back to five but that too was short lived. The week after Matthew’s graduation from Basic, we would be dropping Ryan off for Basic training.

Just like that our family of six quickly became a family of four. Talk about change in dynamics and a challenge. It was hard. Those boys had been with me longer than Terry had. They were my life before Terry and I really hadn’t prepared for how it would feel to be without them. I didn’t know how to cook for four people. I didn’t even know how to do laundry for four. Everything changed.

Unlike with dropping your child off at college. You don’t know when you’ll hear from them. During Basic they only get to call a couple of times. Mostly they write letter. If time permits.

We made it through. Got accustomed to the new norm. Life kept moving.

Then last year we took our youngest to college. The only girl. To say it was hard for me is an understatement. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. It wasn’t because we were each other’s best friends. We’re not. I’m the Queen.  She’s the Princess. She just kept me constantly on the go. There was always something going on with her. Not to mention, she’s the only girl and she’s my baby. It was a harsh awakening to realize that eighteen years had flown by so quickly.

Then we became a family of three only because Alex’s choice to remain home work and attend Blue Ridge Community College.

Now, here we are. One week away from our fourth child flying the coup. Leaving the nest. Sprouting his own wings to fly.

How do I feel? Excited. Elated. Proud. Oh, without a doubt I will miss him. He has been a delight and joy. I have watched him grow into a strong and very mature young adult. I have seen his strength and faith exemplified through the untimely death of his friend Derrick. I have seen him balance work and school and finish on the Dean’s List. In his eyes, I see the excitement and anticipation of this next chapter of life, and I hear it in his voice.

I refuse to pretend that I won’t shed a tear or fifty but he is so ready and I am so ready for him to fly.

Soon and very soon, a week to be exact. Our family of three will become a family of two. Just as is should be.

Posted on by kellyyarborough

The War Within

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above. —Robinson

The war within is so strong it's like the ocean current that just pulls you out away from the shore. Gently at first but the tugging keeps on until you realize you're about to the point of no return!

It's a wrestling of the will and flesh , the heart and the soul ! The will wrestles with the flesh to do the right thing, while the flesh argues and presses the heart to be wicked and deceitful, and the soul , deep deep down where the spirit resides, keeps saying. "No no no! It's not right it's not good and nothing good will come from it. Let it go! Let it be! "

Then the gentle, yet passionately stern voice speaks, through His word, " I made you for better things that this. I made you so that you can experience Me and my joy and pleasure because it far exceeds anything that you can fathom. Why do you move away from me? Why do wander? Come close to me and I will draw close to you. I can help you. My footing is sound and solid."

And so you move back towards the safety of the shore. It's still a struggle. The strife is real. The current of evil still tugs at your heart, your soul and you mind. Little by little your pull against the current, until you can feel the ocean floor. The current still pulls against you but the closer you get to the shore, the less violent the pull is.

Finally, you're back on steady ground. You can walk to safety and it feels good. Only there'll be a next time., if you're like me, I am always prone to wander. Always prone to leave the God I love. Always struggling with the war within. It's only by grace and mercy that I win any of these battles. That is His goodness towards me and this goodness has a name Jesus! He my hope and stay!

Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.”
Romans 7:25 NLT

Posted on by kellyyarborough

What is it about Charleston?

Several weeks ago, Terry and I ventured on a little getaway to Charleston, SC. I'm always happy to go and always sad to leave. There's really nothing about the "Holy City" that I do not like. For me it's like a lighthouse on a hill beckoning this ship to come. It calls me and I go!

Why is my heart so excited and happy to go? I've pondered over the past few weeks and I keep coming back to the same conclusion.

Charleston is where life really began to take on a new meaning for me.

I was a young, silly 19 year old who had lofty ideas of what being married would look like. In fact, over time, I've realized I was most likely more in love with the idea of marriage than I was with the man I married. I was committed, nonetheless.

We married in August of 1988 and moved to Goose Creek, SC, a community right on the outskirts of North Charleston. Since we only had one car, most often, I would take him to work or he would ride in with a buddy.

He was in the Navy, a submariner and Nuke. His work hours were long and taxing. Giving me plenty of time and reason to explore my new home.

Time and again, I would find myself walking the streets of history in downtown or daydreaming of living on the Battery, while walking through Battery Park. Other days, I would find reason to head to Folly Beach or Isle of Palms to soak up some rays and put my feet in the sand.

Only after 2 months of marriage, he was deployed for six months. Suddenly, I found myself in a place where I knew very few people. With the encouragement of my back home support group, I decided to sublet our apartment and go back home to Columbus, NC.

Retuning wasn't difficult because I could still go to Charleston whenever I wanted. It was a good setup.

Frankie, my first husband, returned in early February from his 6 month deployment. Like a few others, within 6 weeks, we were expecting our first child.

I wish I could tell you there was great elation in such good news. There wasn't. A part of me felt excited and the other part of me was wondering what in the world am I doing.? I'm enjoying life. I love the parties, the nightclubs, taking dares to jump in pools fully clothed. I knew I would have to give up, at least a portion, of my lifestyle. Truthfully, I wasn't sure I was ready.

Little by little, I gave it up. Funny how I didn't really miss it once I was removed from it. This was my first notion and inkling that God was pursuing me. No, I'm not one of those who turned on a dime instantly. I'm just saying, I knew I wanted something more for my child than the lifestyle I was currently living. It was about my move away from being selfish and only thinking of myself and putting someone else's need above mine.

Not only do I love everything Charleston I'm also deeply humbled and thankful for the lessons Charleston taught me. It's really where my heart still calls home and sometimes I must go. One day I may stay.

Posted on by kellyyarborough

Disappoints will come

And this hope will never disappoint us, because God has poured out his love to fill our hearts. He gave us his love through the Holy Spirit, whom God has given to us. When we were unable to help ourselves, at the moment of our need, Christ died for us, although we were living against God. Very few people will die to save the life of someone else. Although perhaps for a good person someone might possibly die. But God shows his great love for us in this way: Christ died for us while we were still sinners. Romans 5:5-8

At some point in our lives we all face disappointment. There's no escaping and no way around it. It's going to happen. It's not even a question of if. It's a matter of when.

A few years before the disappointment of losing my father to melanoma, I had a life altering blow.

This blow happened by way of a cute little character, "The Pillsbury Doughboy". (Pictured above).

I loved the commercials. A talking, little white doughboy that would giggle when when touched in the belly.

My mom found out that you could order them and so she did. She kept telling me that I would have my very own Doughboy. Anticipation, coupled with lofty ideas of the fun I would have with my very own doughboy, were immediately shut down the moment he arrived.

I ripped into the box. Fully expecting this little guy to talk or at least giggle at the push of his belly. (I was only about 4). He did nothing. Not only did he do nothing, he was hard and plastic.

I'm not sure how long I cried over my disappointment but clearly I haven't failed to forget. I remember the devastation. Felling deflated. Unprepared. Utterly disappointed.

That's what disappointment does. It leaves us feeling depressed, confused and sometimes overwhelmed. We struggle to find the answer to why. Why now? Why me? Why, oh why?

Luckily, my disappointment didn't last long, at least not my first recollection of letdown.

The thing I've learned, is that often disappointments come as a result of our expectations. You see, I had these lofty expectations because of the commercials with the cute, lovable doughboy.

Isn't that what we do with people? We place undue and lofty expectations on people, especially those closest to us. Our spouse. Our children. Our parents. Our closest friends. And when they fail to meet our expectation, we get disappointed. We feel letdown. Angry. Hurt.

And then the worst of the worst happens, we get disappointed with God. He fails to answer our prayers or so we think. A loved one dies. A marriage falls apart. A child goes astray. Infertility. Abuse. Financial ruin. The list goes on and on. Again those feelings of hurt, anger and disappointment consume our thoughts and our minds.

Having spent a good portion of my younger years and even into my early adulthood being utterly and overwhelmingly shattered by lofty and unrealistic expectations, I am fully aware and attune to these feelings. And I would be lying if I told you that, from time to time, they still creep in.

What do I do when I'm feeling disappointed and letdown? The first thing I do is look to see where I was placing my expectation. People are going to let you down every time. You simply cannot put your full expectation in them. No matter how good they are, we are all human. We are going to mess up.

Secondly,, I take every ounce of frustration and tell it to God. Sometimes, I even wrote it out. That includes when I am feeling like my unanswered prayers are bouncing off the walls or when he says, "no". When I do this, I am reminded of his great promises to me!

You know what happens when I am reminded that He loves and adores me? Or that He will be with me wherever I go? Or that this life is only a temporary dwelling and He is preparing a place for me? I am thankful. I am grateful. I am humbled. I become overwhelmed with joy and peace. Disappointments and trials are gonna come. It is what is. It's how we respond that will change everything, even us. He is our hope.