Posted on by kellyyarborough · 2 Comments

Through Sickness and in Health

For those of you who don’t follow me anywhere but here, my dad, Ned Whitmire was called home at 2:00 AM on Sunday.

I have many stories to tell about his last few weeks. However, this is a powerful display of what I’ve witnessed from my Mom for the past 19 months.

She has selflessly given herself to making sure Ned was well loved and taken care of. She has a true Servants Heart.

Ned’s former coworker Amber Cox watched and observed these events unfold!

I spoke the other day about serving your spouse. This is what prompted it. This is a testimony right here folks. I was visiting with Ned Whitmire and Kelly was speaking with the doctor. Ann reached over and felt Ned’s feet. In her sweet voice, Let’s get you some socks, Honey. I handed her the socks and was getting ready to offer to do it. I blinked and here she was in the floor doing it. Fearful and tired here is this woman in the floor doing this simple thing. It meant so much to me to see how Ned has been cared for his entire life with Ann. She could’ve gotten Kelly or me to do it. The nurses at Elizabeth House would have gladly done it. But she did it.

This is in sickness and health and for better or worse, ya’ll. I came home and told Jason I was so thankful to be married to someone just like this.

What an example Ann Whitmire is to all of us. World crumbling around her and she still isn’t thinking of herself.

“A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it. Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long. She shops around for the best yarns and cottons, and enjoys knitting and sewing. She’s like a trading ship that sails to faraway places and brings back exotic surprises. She’s up before dawn, preparing breakfast for her family and organizing her day. She looks over a field and buys it, then, with money she’s put aside, plants a garden. First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started. She senses the worth of her work, is in no hurry to call it quits for the day. She’s skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking. She’s quick to assist anyone in need, reaches out to help the poor. She doesn’t worry about her family when it snows; their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear. She makes her own clothing, and dresses in colorful linens and silks. Her husband is greatly respected when he deliberates with the city fathers. She designs gowns and sells them, brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops. Her clothes are well-made and elegant, and she always faces tomorrow with a smile. When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say, and she always says it kindly. She keeps an eye on everyone in her household, and keeps them all busy and productive. Her children respect and bless her; her husband joins in with words of praise: “Many women have done wonderful things, but you’ve outclassed them all!” Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of- GOD. Give her everything she deserves! Festoon her life with praises!”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭31:10-31‬ ‭MSG‬‬

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Learning to feast in yesterday’s joy

If you’ve followed this blog for any length of time or know me personally, then you are well aware that my dad is fighting lung cancer.

The past few months have been challenging, both mentally and physically. There have been many ups and downs. Sadly, more downs that ups but as I’ve learned there’s always joy…..even in the hard difficult days.

Last Thursday, Ned was moved from Pardee Hospital to the Elizabeth House and placed under Hospice Care.

Over the past few days, there have been ups and downs but relatively decent days. Decent days are the ones where we see progress.

The Hospice doctors have worked diligently to get his nausea and pain under control. They’ve eliminated a lot of his medications, which in turn, have helped his symptoms.

Tuesday I walked in and was astonished and amazed. Ned was eating, talking, laughing and joking. He was weak but he felt good. It was an amazing sight, to say the least.

However, with this battle that his body is fighting, I’ve learned to keep my plans loose and flexible. A last minute call can change the course of my day in a split second.

At 9:10 Wednesday morning, my Mom called. As she was on her way to the Elizabeth House, she received a call from the doctor. Ned, at some point last night started having trouble breathing. He was having such a hard time, they had to load him up on morphine, to calm him and do breathing treatments. Needless to say, Mom asked if I could come because she wanted me to talk to the doctor. I was happy to go!

It wasn’t easy to go knowing full well that I wouldn’t be walking into the same room I did Tuesday. It doesn’t matter that I’ve seen him this way before. It hurts. It makes me sad. It hurts because I know deep, deep down he wants to feel better. He wants to have the yesterday back. Honestly, I want the yesterday back. That’s not reality.

Once gone it can never come again. It makes me think of when he and Mom were first married. He would pull out his guitar and sing “Yesterday” by the Beetles. First line of the song, “Yesterday. All my troubles seemed so far away. Now it seems as though they’re here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday.”

I think if we’re honest, a lot of us yearn and long for yesterday. What I’ve learned through all of the ups and downs, especially with Ned’s illness is most times the “good” yesterdays give enough hope and power to get through the today. It’s truly all about the perspective.

A dear precious friend of my parents sent me an email last week with this great little nugget of truth attached.

“The trials of the Journey will be lost in the joy of the Feast” Max Lucado

You see, if we look for joy even in the horribly terrible hard days, the good days will be your feast. The ones you hold out for, the ones you hope for and the ones that give you joy to continue the journey.

I’m learning to feast…..

Posted on by kellyyarborough

Deep Roots

Have you ever just listened to nature? Have you ever just fixed your eyes on the things in nature? Is there one thing that sticks out in your mind? Have you ever just stopped, breathed and pondered?

For me it’s always this particular tree. It stands on the bank adjacent to a magnificent park. Falls Park on Reedy in Greenville, SC. I simply cannot go through this park without seeing this tree. Obviously, others are mesmerized by it as well. Folks are consisting “oohing and ahhing”, taking photos with friends and family or like me, standing back and grabbing a picture of its root system.

What is that draws me to this tree? It reminds me of the importance of having a good root system to hold you in place. When I look at the roots over roots, it also reminds me of how we need to cover ourselves. The roots over roots ground the tree.

Primarily why this tree fascinates me is because I see so much of my life depicted in this root system. I see struggles. I see struggles on the inside and outside. I see a strong desire to stay grounded but as the roots overlap it reminds me of how frequently I mess up and I need a covering of God’s grace. I see an unrelenting ground that gives this tree it’s ability to stand. The roots go deep. They have to.

So, let me ask you. Is your root system grounded? Does it struggle to remain attached? The ground hasn’t moved. God, himself, is immovable. Maybe you have moved or strayed away. Just like some of the roots. Maybe you need a good covering of God’s grace. Maybe you feel like your past failures and mistakes make you unworthy. They don’t. God’s desire is to pour a heaping helping of grace and mercy on you.

Don’t allow your past to define you. Allow the presence of God and his great mercy and grace to supply everything you need for today.

Dig deep into him. It’s there you will find comfort, peace and rest.

“And he shall be like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields fruit in its season, and whose leaf does not wither, and whatever he does shall prosper”. Psalm 1:3

“Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.” Colossians 2:7

Posted on by kellyyarborough

Come Closer

One evening in July, Terry and I decided to go hangout and have dinner at Bold Rock in Mills River. We heard they had a great food truck and often had music.

Fortunately, the midsummer night had a hint of cool, which begged us to stay outdoors.

A young family, also enjoying the perfect summer night were out on the lawn. They had two little boys. A babe and toddler probably 2 or 2 1//2. Since there wasn’t a slew of folks outside, the youngster had room to run and play. As he would near the fence line, the dad would call him back. This happened a time or town. The. about the third time the little boy neared the fence, turned around and said, “Daddy, I’m coming closer so I can see your eyes.”

As I’ve replayed that evening, I’ve had several thoughts. First, the child learned the boundary lines as the father called him back the first few times. He would go close to the fence line but he would never cross it. He was safe within the boundary.

Second, once he got comfortable within the boundary lines, he didn’t push the envelope to go outside. Instead, he would reassure his daddy that he was ok and that by coming closer he could see his fathers eyes. Not only was this safety for him but also reassured his father that he was obeying.

Interestingly, as the child would reassure his father, the dad was already coming towards him, just in case he decided to cross over or through the fence.

As the scene continues to replay in my mind, I am reminded that we are like the little boy and God is the Father. He gives us safe boundaries to live and move within. When we get too close to danger, He calls us back. It’s our choice to come back. It’s our choice to say, “Daddy, I’m coming closer so I can see your eyes.” Sometimes, unlike the little fella, we even cross the boundary lines. But reassured He is already running towards us long before we ever come back to Him.

In the story of the “Prodigal Son” we see this action of love on full display. When the father found out the wayward son had returned this was his response in Luke 15:21-24 The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’

But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.

 

Considering my past and the poor choices I made, I always marvel at how great God’s love is for me!

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The time his heart grew three sizes

“And what happened then? Well, in Whoville they say that the Grinch’s small heart grew three sizes that day” Dr. Seuss

It should come as no surprise that I love Dr. Seuss. I do have four children and my oldest, pictured above, had a passion for books from a very young age. Before he learned to walk, he would crawl with books in his hand asking me to read. So we read and read and read some more. In fact many of the books I memorized as did he but that’s not the point of this blog post.

Ned, my dad, pictured above had the same experience of the Grinch and the above picture reminds me of the time his heart grew three sizes in a day.

One important thing to understand is that Ned has never, and I mean never shied away from speaking his mind. He’s blunt! At any rate, when he found out I was pregnant with Ryan, he was not extremely overwhelmed with excitement. Actually, as I recall, he wasn’t really happy about it at all.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want grandchildren, he just didn’t think I was old enough or mature enough to be having a child. He was also concerned that I had not been married long enough and was concerned the marriage may not work.

He didn’t meet Ryan until he was three months old. You see, Ryan was born in Bremerton, Washington, my Mom and Grandmother were the only two of my family to meet Ryan, before we traveled to North Carolina.

Ryan and I stayed in North Carolina for about six weeks before returning to our home in Washington. Needless to say, it only took about a day for Ned to get attached to this little fella and the longer we stayed the more attached he became.

Two days before our departure is the first time I remember ever seeing Ned cry. He broke down like a baby and cried because his heart had grown so in love with his first grandchild. It hurt his heart not knowing how long he would have to go before seeing him again. That’s how I know that his heart grew three sizes the day they first met.

The above picture is taken from that time period and a great reminder that sometimes the greatest gifts of love come in the smallest of packages.

Posted on by kellyyarborough

The gift of laughter

“The person who can bring the spirit of the laughter in the room is indeed blessed.” Bennett Cerf

It’s obvious is you watch my video posts that I am not the comedian in our relationship. Terry is. He’s witty and that’s what attracted me to him when we first met.

In fact, the first time he came for dinner, he spent the better part of 30 minutes telling my mom and sister that his parents served in the Armed forces in Korea and that’s why they chose Kim for his middle name. He had them convinced! I finally had to call his bluff.

When Mom and I worked for Barker Construction, she answered the phones. He would call and change his voice. Pretending to be a customer or vendor and at the right moment, when he knew he had fooled her, would start howling with laughter. I heard her from the other room laughing and saying, “Terry, you crazy thing, you!”

He’s just downright funny. He can’t help himself and it comes out naturally. You never know when it’s gonna happen either. He even laughs at himself. Just kills me and makes me laugh that much more.

I’m pretty much the opposite. I have very little wit and I am not funny. I just like to laugh and others seem to follow suit. I’m not a “Debbie downer”, I’m just a little more serious minded and can’t think of quick retorts. I’m one of those that come up with things weeks later. However, every once in awhile it happens for me. Something will just roll off my tongue and I surprise myself. Indeed, I’ve been around Terry way too long.

So, the other evening, after our date we stopped by the Fresh Market to pick up a few things. About half way home, I remembered I needed contact lens solution. I told Terry to turn around because we weren’t that far from Walgreens. He looked at me and said, ” And where is Walgreens?”

I replied, “On the corner of happy and healthy, of course!”

He didn’t laugh. He didn’t even utter as much as a soft chuckle.

Shocked that he wasn’t laughing, I said, “Really dude? You didn’t even laugh at that. That was funny.”

“I wasn’t thinking about what you said, I was just thinking about where I needed to go!” He replied

Needless to say, the past few days he’s had to endure hardship over not laughing at what I said.

And what say you? Funny or not funny. Now, I know good and well I can’t come up with a slam sandwich or Jethro Bodine Calmpett sandwich. I can’t put a cowboy hat on my head and start dancing around and singing. I can’t serenade him before the church service begins. I can’t drape a towel over m arm and pretend to be a waiter at some fancy restaurant. But when I say something funny, he should laugh.

Proverbs 15:13 A joyful heart makes a cheerful face, but with a heartache comes depression.

Posted on by kellyyarborough

The War Within

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above. —Robinson

The war within is so strong it's like the ocean current that just pulls you out away from the shore. Gently at first but the tugging keeps on until you realize you're about to the point of no return!

It's a wrestling of the will and flesh , the heart and the soul ! The will wrestles with the flesh to do the right thing, while the flesh argues and presses the heart to be wicked and deceitful, and the soul , deep deep down where the spirit resides, keeps saying. "No no no! It's not right it's not good and nothing good will come from it. Let it go! Let it be! "

Then the gentle, yet passionately stern voice speaks, through His word, " I made you for better things that this. I made you so that you can experience Me and my joy and pleasure because it far exceeds anything that you can fathom. Why do you move away from me? Why do wander? Come close to me and I will draw close to you. I can help you. My footing is sound and solid."

And so you move back towards the safety of the shore. It's still a struggle. The strife is real. The current of evil still tugs at your heart, your soul and you mind. Little by little your pull against the current, until you can feel the ocean floor. The current still pulls against you but the closer you get to the shore, the less violent the pull is.

Finally, you're back on steady ground. You can walk to safety and it feels good. Only there'll be a next time., if you're like me, I am always prone to wander. Always prone to leave the God I love. Always struggling with the war within. It's only by grace and mercy that I win any of these battles. That is His goodness towards me and this goodness has a name Jesus! He my hope and stay!

Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.”
Romans 7:25 NLT

Posted on by kellyyarborough

Miracles happen

The picture above is the reason I know that prayer works.  It is effective.  It is powerful.  Miracles happen when people pray.

Look closely at the two men in the above picture.  One is Ned, my dad, who has lung cancer.  The other is my Uncle Howard who has colon cancer.  Both of these men are still, by God’s grace and through the effective prayers of His people, alive today.

If you will remember my earlier post, “The best $6.00 money could buy” was about my Uncle Howard.  Even when I wrote that post, it was uncertain what his future held.  I knew he had a desire to see his youngest grandson graduate from high school because during my visit with him, he told me so.  He just didn’t think he would live to see it happen.  Quite frankly, I don’t think anyone did.

Guess what?  He did get to see his grandson graduate.  Today.  He was there.  God gave him the desire of his heart and I’m so very thankful.  This is nothing short of a miracle.

And then there’s Ned.  His original diagnosis with lung cancer was 9-15 months with chemo treatments.  Guess what?  It’s been 15 months since chemo began.  Wait.  There’s more than that to the story.  Chemo began in March 2016.  We asked people to pray specifically that the chemo would deplete the fluid in his right lung.  It did.  In fact, after only 6 months of treatment, his lung was completely clear.  He was given a break from chemo and for the past 7 months. Every 8 weeks has been having CT scans to monitor his lungs and the possible return of cancer.

Sadly, the most recent CT scan showed cancer in the lymph node in the mediastinum.  This week he will begin a second line treatment that will consist of Keytruda, immunotherapy instead of chemotherapy.  The hope and prayer are the immunotherapy will thwart the growth and/or spread of the cancer as effectively as the chemotherapy with fewer side effects.

It is not by accident that these two men are still alive today.  It is because folks have been praying.  It is because God is a God of miracles and He is a God of love.  Also, He is a God who ordains our time and regardless of what statistics may say, God has the final say.

Every day is a miracle.  It is a gift.  Live in the miracle God gives you today and don’t get so caught up with tomorrow.  It may never come.

Posted on by kellyyarborough

My Sweetest Sorrow

Forty-one years ago today was the beginning of my “sweetest sorrow” or “the great sadness”.  I was seven, an innocent child, with the weight of the world on my shoulders.

The cancer diagnosis came when I was one and my dad was thirty.  A mole mom discovered on his back.  They removed the mole and it was malignant Melanoma.  After successfully removing the mole they had to continue cutting around the perimeter.  Finally, after leaving a crater sized hole in my dad’s back, margins were clear.

He was told by doctors at the time if he didn’t have any recurrence for two years, he would be fine.  Close to the end of the two-year period, he had a spot on his leg.  The Melanoma had returned.  This time, however, it had spread.  Chemo would be necessary. So, the arduous process began.

Every month for a week at time, he would travel to Baptist Hospital in Winston-Salem for treatments.  This continued for approximately four years.  In late February of 1976 while waiting to be checked-in, he told my mom that he couldn’t feel his legs.  Immediately, they rushed him for x-ray.  A large tumor was pressing on his spine.  It was inoperable.  My dad was paralyzed from his waist down.  He knew the end was drawing near and wanted to be closer to home.  The decision was made to transport him to Pardee Hospital in Hendersonville.  This would be his home for the next seven weeks.

We would visit frequently.  My dad had a pull-up bar in his room.  He still had strength in the upper part of his body and could pull himself to an upright position.  We called it his “monkey bar”.

On the evening of April 4, 1976, we went to visit.  Daddy was very weak and didn’t have strength to pull himself up.  He talked and laughed with us like normal but then as we were leaving he asked me to come hold his hand.  He looked at me with his beautiful sky blue eyes and told me how proud he was of me.  He told me how much he loved me and then the very last thing was, “Honey, you’re the oldest and I need you to help your Mama take care of your sister and brother.  Now, you be a good girl and remember I love you.” Then he kissed me.

Here I sit, forty-one years later and it still rips my heart into tiny little pieces.  I was given a task by my dying father that I could not fulfill.  I was far too young to take on responsibility of my younger siblings but at the time, I was determined to try.  I wanted to do what my daddy asked me to do.  I wanted to be his good little girl and I wanted him to be proud of me.

It wasn’t long after he died that I realized that I wasn’t able to live up to the promise I made to him and I began to feel like a failure.  Yes, at seven, I was a failure, a flop, or at least in my mind.   Thus began the compartmentalization of my heart.  I took each hurt and disappointment and tidied it up and put it in a box in my heart.  I shoved and stuffed for as long as I can remember.  In my mind, I yelled and screamed at God asking “Why”?  Why did my daddy have to die?  Why did you not answer my prayer?  Why did you send someone new into mom’s life?  Why?”

At night, I would bury my head under my pillow and cry myself to sleep.  I couldn’t let anyone see my misery, especially not my mom.  It was much easier for me to conceal than to feel.   Because I was hiding my pain, my anger grew.  It was intense and, at times, quite explosive.  In fact, this anger I carried into my relationship with my first husband, my children and even with Terry.  Oh, I had control over it, most days, but when it came out, it was ugly.  (My kids can attest)  The sad thing was I never really understood why I had these horrible explosive outbursts and most of them happened over the most random incidents.

I didn’t understand until I read “The Shack”.  Now, before you tune me out because you don’t agree with the book, hear me out.  As I read the book, it was as if God was taking me back to “my shack”, “my sweetest sorrow” or “the great sadness”.  Just as Mack, in the book, learns how to trust God with his deepest hurt and pain, I had to learn the same thing.  I had to allow myself to feel the grief of my father’s death.  I had to learn to let God help me work through the feelings of worthlessness and failure I felt for not being able to fulfill my dad’s wish.  What I really had to learn was to get over the anger I held in my heart towards God.  This was a pivotal moment.  It was the recognition that my anger towards God for letting my daddy die was the reason I burned so fiercely with anger. I had to let that anger go.  The only way to let it go was to tell God all about it and allow him to begin the healing process.

Remember, I told you in my post, “Binding Wounds”, that most of the time we don’t want the wound to be pulled apart because it hurts too much.  Well, it hurt like hell.  I felt as if my whole entire soul was being ripped apart.  It was.  It needed to be.  I needed to feel the pain of being seven and losing a most beautiful life.  For the first time, I grieved.  I grieved not just the loss of my dad but the loss of my innocence.  Through the grief of “my sweetest sorrow” I began to heal.  I began to be able to feel the anger subside.  Do I still get angry?  Sure, I do.  I just don’t have the feelings of irrational rage.  Most times, I am able, with God’s help, to prevent an outburst before it happens.

For years, this day has been much harder than tomorrow, the day my daddy died.  It was hard because I never wanted to talk about what happened the night before.  I didn’t want to share my deepest hurt because it hurt too much.

My prayer through sharing this story is that it will help you to understand a little more of who I am.  I am wired differently and think differently because of the events that happened in my childhood.  My hope is also that my story will benefit others.

I am here today sharing this story only by the grace of God.

“The Lord says, ‘I will rescue those who love me.  I will protect those who trust in my name.  When they call on me, I will answer.  I will be with them in trouble.  I will rescue and honor them.” Psalms 91 14-15

 

Posted on by kellyyarborough

Binding wounds

Do you ever feel like with the pressures of life you simply can’t take anymore? You’re weary and worn. You have no fight left. Whatever hurt you, death of a loved one, illness, job loss, wayward children, financial problems, divorce, physical or emotional abuse, this is good news for you. God will not only heal you’re broken heart, He will bind up your wounds. That doesn’t mean that, at times, the pain of your suffering will not come to mind and it doesn’t mean that you will never feel the sting of its pain again. It simply means that he will bind them up for you so that it doesn’t hurt as much when the binding is pulled back.

Have you ever had stitches or watched as a doctor sews stitches?

When Ryan, now 27, was 3, I received a call from his preschool teacher that he was injured from falling off a swing. He hit his chin and it split open. Stitches would definitely be required.

As the doctor began assessing the depth of injury, the first thing he did was pry it open as far as he could. Ryan screamed in pain but once it was fully opened, the injury was not as deep as we initially thought.

Next, he cleaned the wound thoroughly to remove any bacteria and particles that may be lingering. This process, too, caused Ryan discomfort. It wasn’t the seering pain he felt as the wound was completely opened but he winced and whined as the antiseptic cleanser was administered.

Finalky, he began the stitching process. Since the wound was more than just surface level, it required two layers of stitching.  This part bothered Ryan the least. His hurt was being bound. What had been ripped and torn apart was now being put back together.

Friends thats exactly how God heals our brokenness our broken hearts. The problem is most of the time when he starts to peel or pry open our hurt to see how deep it is, we pull away.  We scream because it hurts too much. The hurt is way too deep and we would prefer if He would just quick-fix us.

There are no quick fixes where there is brokenness. Trust me!  I’ve tried and failed miserably.

If you want God to bind up your broken heart, allow him to work from the inside out. Allow him to pry open the depth of your hurt, clean it out and then bind it up.

Ryan will always have a scar from his injury, in the same way, our hurts and headaches leave scars but they no longer hurt.  They are reminders of our hurts and Gods amazing grace!