Posted on by kellyyarborough

Learning To Trust and Obey

“At its root, obedience is a trust issue. Obedience is evidence that you trust God. If you don’t trust God, you will struggle to obey Him. A lack of trust is a lack of wisdom. And wisdom is what will make a way for you.” Brian Houston

I read this quote a few weeks ago and have spent time mulling over it. It’s like one of those great “aha moments” because when I read the very first sentence, I realized that obedience stems from trust and not the other way around.

It’s interesting because I’ve often wondered why I’ve had such a hard time being obedient to God. To see this in black and white was truly a revelation. It helps me to see that in all of my relationships, I have trust issues. And so, like other issues I have, I ask myself, “Why do you have these trust issues? What is at the root of this issue and why has it been so hard for you to trust?”

First of all, by nature alone, I am a control freak. This in and of itself causes trust issues because I can rely on myself. I know what I am capable of doing. I also know that I, by myself, will get it done. Just like I told my Grandma Reese all those years ago, “Kelly can put on Kelly’s shoes all by myself.” Therefore, if I can do it all by myself then why do I need others to help and why should I trust others to help?

Secondly, I realize that the untimely death of my Daddy when I was 7 also caused substantial trust issues, especially where God is concerned. When I began to understand how sick my Daddy was, I prayed and believed that God would heal him. When my Dad died, I felt as if God had abandoned me. I felt as if He didn’t care. He felt like a cruel and ruthless God to me. I failed to understand that God heard and answered my prayers just in a different way than I wanted.

Third at the very root of my trust issue is this thing called anger. I failed to deal with hurts in an appropriate and timely manner. I allowed the anger to fester and boil hot within my very being. It caused some deep seeded bitterness that still threatens to rear its ugly head sometimes.

As you can clearly see, I have had to overcome some considerable issues to even learn to trust.

Learning to trust is like learning to ride a bicycle without training wheels. When the training wheels are removed, the support is gone and you must trust your balance. At first, you’re going to fall off, you will get banged up and bruised but you keep trying until it becomes second nature. The thing is once you learn to ride the bicycle without the training wheels, you no longer need them because you trust the two wheels to hold you steady and upright. There may be times you fall off, hit a bump in the road, or even get bruised and banged up a bit but you get up and ride again. You trust what you’ve learned. The same has been true with learning to trust God. I’ve had to be willing to allow him to support me. That’s not always easy.

However, what I have learned is that He does a much better job of taking care of me than I do for myself. For example, I had to trust that Terry was the man God had chosen, not only for me but for the boys. I had to release my fears and inhibitions and simply trust. At the point of my saying, “yes”, to Terry, was the point at which my trust became obedience.

Through the course of raising children and our almost 30 years of marriage, I can think of plenty more examples but the most recent event was trusting to the point of obedience in building a house and moving to Travelers Rest, SC. I had many causes for doubt and many fears during the decision process. Just ask Terry. However he waited patiently for me to have a clear confirmation from God. It actually came through reading the Bible, which is often the case when we are diligently seeking God’s wisdom. In Jeremiah 29, Jeremiah also known as the Weeping Prophet, is speaking to the Jewish exiles now living in Babylon. They would remain under Babylonian control for 70 years but tucked within this last chapter is hope for the future. Preceding the most familiar verse 11, are these words.

“This is what the Lord of Heaven’s Armies, the God of Israel, says to all the captives he has exiled to Babylon from Jerusalem: “Build homes and plan to stay. Plant gardens, and eat the food they produce. Marry and have children. Then find spouses for them so that you may have many grandchildren. Multiply! Do not dwindle away! And work for the peace and prosperity of the city where I sent you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, for its welfare will determine your welfare.””
‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭29‬:‭4‬-‭7‬ ‭NLT‬‬

The verse that spoke directly to me concerning our house was, “Build homes and plan to stay. Plant gardens and eat the food they produce.” In other words, God told them to keep moving forward even though they were in bondage. It was clear to me that I, too, was feeling a sort of bondage at the time. I loved being 5 minutes away from Mom but her condo was not a place for guests just to come stay for a while. It was difficult having two more bodies in the condo for more than a few days. My heart desired to have a place where family and friends had room to roam. In that moment, I realized that fear of unknowns had me bound but He was telling me to move on because He knew far in advance that Mama would die before we ever moved into our house. However, I had a choice to make, I either stepped out in faith, trusting that God had clearly spoken or I backed away in fear of what I could not see. At that moment, my trust in yielding was my obedience.

Think about it this way, the old hymn, Trust and Obey, really speaks volumes.

Song by Don Moen

When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word
What a glory He sheds on our way!
While we do His good will, He abides with us still
And with all who will trust and obey

Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey

Not a shadow can rise, not a cloud in the skies
But His smile quickly drives it away
Not a doubt or a fear, not a sigh or a tear
Can abide while we trust and obey

Oh, Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey

Then in fellowship sweet we will sit at His feet
Or we’ll walk by His side in the way
What He says we will do, where He sends we will go
Never fear, only trust and obey

Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey

Oh, Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey

And ‘Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus
Just to take Him at His Word
Just to rest upon His promise
Just to know, “Thus saith the Lord”

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
Oh, for grace to trust Him more

Lord oh, for grace to trust You more

In closing, Matthew Henry says,”We must depend upon the performance of the promise, when all the ways leading up to it are shut up. ‘For all the promises of God in him are yea (yes), and in him Amen (so be it), unto the glory of God by us’” (2 Cor 1:20)

Posted on by kellyyarborough

Doubly Blessed

Sunday evening, May 5, while sitting on the front porch stoop, I spotted a rainbow. Of course I eagerly took several photos. After a few minutes Terry said, “Look! It’s a double.” Sure enough it was. While we sat there it occurred to me the many times I have read about a “double portion” in the Bible. Most often it means a double blessing or inheritance. However in the Book of Revelation it actually means a double curse.

In my case that evening I found myself praising God for giving me a double blessing, which in Old Testament times went to the firstborn.

For many years I thought living close to my family was a curse. I was expected to be available and show up for anything. If I invited my parents over, my grandparents were sure to come as well. If my aunt or sister came to town, I was expected to be there. Or as Terry would put it, “we have to go all pile up together.” For Christmas we were always expected to adhere to traditions set long ago by Mom and Ned. Sometimes it felt like a job. And sometimes I wished I didn’t live so close. I did, often times, view it as a curse.

However, God reminded me on Sunday evening that He had given me a double portion of blessing. Being close to family by being at family functions. Opportunities to serve them and to be served by them. Precious time my children spent with grandparents and great grandparents the others didn’t have. Blessing upon blessing of being able to be there for each one of them during their illnesses and deaths. What a tremendous gift God gave me! #doublerainbow🌈🌈 #doubleblessings

Posted on by kellyyarborough · 1 Comment

Be His Hands and Feet

My precious Mama drew her last breath on April 7, 2024. We have seen the mighty hand of God at work in all of this but here is a story that particularly relates to doing the right thing, at the right time for the right purpose.

Recently I’ve read the story of the Good Samaritan twice. Jesus told this parable to demonstrate how we should not neglect those who are hurting or in need of help.

Interestingly enough the two religious leaders, the priest who had likely been running the service and the Levite who had been leading worship, looked at the wounded man but neither of them stopped. They saw him hurt and wounded but didn’t want to get their hands dirty.

Nicky Gumbel points out there are three possible reasons why this occurred:

1. “We are too busy
Possibly they were in a hurry. They didn’t want to get involved in a time-consuming activity.

3. We don’t want to pollute ourselves. Touching a dead body would have made them
unclean for seven days (Numbers 19:11). They would not have been able to enter the temple during this period (Leviticus 21:1). They might have lost their turn of duty at the temple.

4. We don’t want to take a risk
Obviously, there were robbers around. This could have been a decoy for a possible ambush. “

But the Samaritan stopped. He didn’t have to. He used his own donkey. He used his own money. He didn’t wait around for help. He took action.

The thing that struck a chord with me the most is the three possible reasons why the men in the clergy didn’t stop. So often, these are the excuses I use not to help.

However, I would like to tell you a powerful story that my sister and I witnessed on April 7.

Mom was under Hospice care but she was still at The Bridge. We had made a conscious choice to leave her there if at all possible because she was so well-loved and cared for there.

We had been told the process once she died would be to call Hospice. They would come and pronounce her death and get her ready for the funeral home to pick her up.

The call was made to Hospice. However, before Hospice arrived two of Mama’s nurses came and asked if they could get her ready. They didn’t have to. They weren’t even working her hall. They could’ve waited. But they insisted. They worked with her for almost 45 minutes. Washing her, dressing her, and fixing her hair. When they completed their task we went in to see her. She was beautifully dressed in her red sweater and her hair was meticulously curled. She was lovely and aside from her mouth being agape, which Emma said she tried to close, she looked like an angel.

These two women showed more compassion and love in that single act of grace than I have ever experienced in my entire life.

Friends, please let this be a good lesson for us all. Be the hands and feet of Jesus! What you do matters when it’s done with the right motives.

Posted on by kellyyarborough · 2 Comments

Dear Ned

Dear Ned,

Today of all days I am reminded of our conversation before your first appointment with Dr Anthony. We were sitting in Chick-fil-A and Mom went to the bathroom.

You looked at me and said, “You and I both know that this is not going to end well. And you’re going to have to take care of your mother. You know that, right?”

“Yes, I know and I will” I answered. Secretly hoping we were both wrong and that God would heal him on earth.

We weren’t wrong and God made you whole on October 29, 2017. It was a grand and glorious day for you but a very sad, hard time for us, especially Mom.

Just as I promised you, I have taken care of Mom, along with a lot of help from Kristi and Terry. They have been warriors with me and I am so deeply grateful.

Taking care of Mom looked a lot different than you had in mind. I came alongside her to care for Popaw and essentially take over his healthcare to alleviate her anxiety about having to make decisions for him.

We all pitched in and helped her sell the “big house” and move to a very sweet little condo, perfect for her.

In mid-2019 it became more apparent that she was struggling more and more with short-term memory issues. In August 2020, we went to the neurologist for her first visit. He wasn’t overly concerned and said the memory loss could be related more to depression and anxiety but said they needed an MRI just to see if there were cognitive issues or something else. The MRI revealed that she has “age-related memory loss.” However, her cognitive results at that time didn’t warrant medication other than just her antidepressant.

In February 2021, we revisited her neurologist. This time proved a bit different than before. Her cognitive test revealed that she was on a decline. Although he still calls it “mild”, medication to slow the process was necessary. And so she began taking medication.

We noticed a leveling off, if you will for a while and even the neurologist was happy at her follow-up in August of 2021. But life has a way of throwing punches beyond our control. Aunt Trisha became deathly ill with pancreatic cancer and because Mom could not care for her, Aunt Trisha asked me to become her HCPOA. For the next four months, I split time between home and Winston-Salem. While I was caring for Aunt Trisha, Kristi was taking care of Mom.

But we began noticing more of a decline, and by the time we visited her neurologist again in February of 2022, he too noticed a further decline. Thinking it may be more related to depression he upped her dosage of antidepressant from 25mg to 50mg, which is still considered a low dosage. It did calm down some of the anxiety she seemed to be having and a few months leveled her memory decline.

However, there were concerns we began having, and by the end of October, we knew there were some hard decisions that we had to make.

For the past two years or so, Mom had told the three of us, collectively and individually, that if she needed assisted living she wanted to go to The Bridge because “that’s where my Daddy was”. And so in November, with Kristi’s input and blessing, I called and put her on the waitlist for The Bridge. The timeframe of the wait would be 3-4 months.

On December 27 Mom and I made another trip to see the neurologist. At that time, we told him of our plans for her to go into assisted living and he concurred that it was good timing. He also told her he was proud of her for not digging her heels in the sand and refusing to go.

After having to put Sammy down in January, Terry and I decided to sell our house. Without him there, home no longer felt like home. Plus, we had been discussing it for months beforehand.

In late February I received a call from Beth at The Bridge telling me that Mom had a place. Not only did she have a place but because two units were coming available at the same time, she could come and choose her new apartment. So, Kristi, Terry, and I went with her to pick out her place.

In the meantime, our house went under contract. Matthew got married. We took a trip out West. Came home. Moved Mom into her apartment on March 31 and moved into her sweet little condo on April 12.

It’s been a whirlwind since the beginning of January, to say the least. But it’s all good. Mom is settling in well and so are we. But when I find myself thinking of our conversation over 7 years ago, I think you always recalled the last conversation I had with Daddy before his death. You knew he’d given me a very great and overwhelming responsibility at seven. One I could not bear because I was way too young. A responsibility that God entrusted to you and now you were giving it back to me. I have not taken this opportunity lightly or tried to do it on my own, I have enlisted help and support from many. I am in no way giving up my obligation by choosing to move Mom to The Bridge. I am simply giving us all freedom to love on her and enjoy being with her and giving the good people there the opportunity to give her the best care possible.

Oh, how I wish I could just pick up the phone and call you. Just once. Just to hear you say, “You’re doing what’s best.” But in all honesty, as many as I sought in making these decisions, God has been my ultimate counselor and guide so I know it is what’s best.

I just want to say thank you for loving and caring for her so well.for 39 years. You always did what was best for her. Thank you for entrusting me to continue what you started.

Love you and miss you!

Sidebar: I began this yesterday because it would have been Ned’s 78th birthday but I couldn’t complete it until today.

Posted on by kellyyarborough · 3 Comments

Sometimes I Struggle

Help! I feel like I’m drowning in my own overactive mind and imagination. I have these feelings of grandeur and yet I’m so trapped in my thoughts I cannot escape. They haunt me. They sit around and wait until I get motivated and then POW like a streak of lightning they’re back. They are both inhibiting and debilitating. I know them well and it’s called procrastination coupled with fear and anxiety.

Once I allow You to free me from my overactive thoughts and imagination, I can do anything I set my mind to and the crazy thing is that I accomplish both small and large tasks with zing. It’s just sometimes my mind wants to keep me from accomplishing anything.

So today I am calling it what it is. It is called anxious and afraid. I am anxious because I don’t often know what I should be writing and I am afraid because I don’t think people care. And so, today, I am going to pray and ask the Lord to help me through this anxiousness and fear.

First of all, he didn’t put the spirit of fear in me. The devil is crafty and I am allowing him to inhibit me with fear. Therefore the first course of action is going to be for me to proclaim that God has not given me a spirit of fear. God has given me a spirit of peace because I dwell in Him and His presence dwells in me.

So why am I allowing the devil to cause fear and anxiety? I am allowing him to tell me that I am not good enough. There are so many better writers out there than me. Nobody wants to hear your voice. Nobody cares what you have to say. Everybody is saying the same thing and you’re no different.

But essentially what I am telling God is “I don’t trust you.” You know why? Because God has called me to this journey of writing. That’s why. He called me and sought me out. I know that He has used my words to make a difference in people. People have told me so and I have no reason to doubt . Besides, isn’t my story, my story? Sure, I may have learned some of the same life lessons but maybe in a different way and maybe in a way that others can understand. My voice is unique and it’s a part of who I am.

Lord, You make my voice unique. You give me words that spill from my thoughts onto the keyboard and onto the page. What do you want to say in and through me? I don’t want to be a resounding gong, nor do I want repeat what others have said. I want my own voice, the voice that You have given me. The one that is unique to me.

I don’t take this assignment lightly. I know that it is a gift from you. A calling.

As I was reading and learned this morning, part of taking care of my spirit is being obedient to you. Also through Leviticus and Ezekiel, there are harsh warnings about disobedient. I mean, Aarons son’s flagrantly disobeyed and they were consumed by fire. You repeatedly gave the Israelites stern warnings about their disobedience and even when Ezekiel’s wife died, You asked him to keep proclaiming your word and not to mourn. Oh, how You wanted their hearts to return to you. But they were stubborn and obstinate. I don’t want to be stubborn and obstinate. I don’t want to be like Moses and list all the reasons why I am unqualified because the truth is: If you have called me to this, You will equip me for this. Therefore I don’t have to allow all these voices in my mind to counteract what you are clearly calling me to do.

And so I will write. Every thought, every word, every sentences that You bring into my thoughts and I will write them down. Then I will allow time to think and pray and process and together with Your help, I will weave and craft them into the masterpiece that You desire. A masterpiece that will bring honor and glory to You.

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He Is There…He is with You

To be honest, I wrote this five years ago and it never ceases to amaze me how timely God is. I needed this reminder today and maybe you do as well.

So many people I know have been going through some very significant storms in their lives. For some it’s financial, others relational, illness, others loss of loved ones, and others emotional.

As I have been praying for these dear ones, God continues to remind me that He is with us in our storm. We may not see him but He is there and He will come to our rescue but only when the time is right and always just at the right time.

This picture keeps coming to mind for several reasons. Let me share the story behind it.

Mount Arbel is the place where Jesus retreated to go pray, while he sent his disciples on ahead of him, on the Sea of Galilee, to Bethsaida. While the disciples were on a the sea, a squall or significant storm came. They were terrified. Jesus watched from the mountain top. He knew they were in the storm. He knew they were afraid. He knew they needed Him but He also knew they needed to go through the storm. (Mark 6:45-52)

Rick Warren says, “He’s letting you go through this storm for the same reasons he sent the disciples into the storm — to say, ‘I’m all you need. I can handle anything. I will come to you in the ninth hour. And I’ll come walking on the very thing that scares you the most. I’m not asking you to come to me. I’m going to come to you. You need to stop being afraid, and you need to totally trust me in faith.”

Look at this picture of Amy taken from Mount Arbel. The most fascinating fact about this is that from Mount Arbel you can see the entire Sea of Galilee. Just a great reminder that Jesus sees the whole picture. He sees all that life is throwing at us and He will come to us in our storm. We must believe in Him.

Posted on by kellyyarborough

Good News!!!

Right now with so much negativity being spread, I want to share a little good news. As you all know, Amy’s track season was cut short due to Covid-19. The day she received the official news of her season being canceled, she was heartbroken; but she wasn’t dismayed. She knew that she ended her indoor season on a high note and was satisfied.

During one of our conversations I told her, “Amy, I just don’t feel like you’re done. I can’t explain it other than to say I just believe that you’ll get to have your final season.”

She agreed that she felt the same way; although, we didn’t know how things would play out.

She she learned she still had eligibility for a Spring season, she decided that she wanted to drop her name in the NCAA Transfer Portal and see if she would get any offers.

Offers came in immediately and she was elated to know that her stats were good enough for offers. She had several options on the table but one was the best.

On Tuesday of this week, she signed with Charleston Southern for a full scholarship for the 2020-2021 season. She will be pursuing her Masters in Human Resources.

What Covid threatened to take away, God gave back in abundance. It’s a great reminder of a promise found in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Posted on by kellyyarborough

Good News!!!

Right now with so much negativity being spread, I want to share a little good news. As you all know, Amy’s track season was cut short due to Covid-19. The day she received the official news of her season being canceled, she was heartbroken; but she wasn’t dismayed. She knew that she ended her indoor season on a high note and was satisfied.

During one of our conversations I told her, “Amy, I just don’t feel like you’re done. I can’t explain it other than to say I just believe that you’ll get to have your final season.”

She agreed that she felt the same way; although, we didn’t know how things would play out.

She she learned she still had eligibility for a Spring season, she decided that she wanted to drop her name in the NCAA Transfer Portal and see if she would get any offers.

Offers came in immediately and she was elated to know that her stats were good enough for offers. She had several options on the table but one was the best.

On Tuesday of this week, she signed with Charleston Southern for a full scholarship for the 2020-2021 season. She will be pursuing her Masters in Human Resources.

What Covid threatened to take away, God gave back in abundance. It’s a great reminder of a promise found in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Posted on by kellyyarborough

A Humbling Tumble -Part 4 The final lesson

Ok. So, we had been hit with remnants of Hurricane Ivan and remained powerless for about a week, once the power is restored life returns to normal, right? No, because there’s nothing normal for a mom of four to be in a wheelchair and/or using crutches.

Like I mentioned before, we had an incredible group of friends from our Bible Fellowship Group. They brought in meals for us, every few days, and did this for almost a month. One couple, came on Saturday after our power had been restored. They knew we had a mess and she called and said, ”We are not just bringing dinner, we are coming to eat with you. But we are bringing our family and found to help clean up debris. ” And so they did. For a few hours prior to dinner, they all worked around our property and the neighbors cleaning up.

About a week after all the hubbub, on. Thursday evening, Ryan had a football game. Terry left me home with Alex and Amy. About an hour after he left, I get a phone call from him, ”Ryan fell on his arm in the end zone and I am taking him to the ER” Now, we have another wounded warrior at our house. Ryan had broken his humerus. Considering the location of the break, they wrapped his arm and put it in a sling. He could only sleep in the recliner and upright position for several weeks. Terry made sure he got his medication on time to help keep his pain at a minimum.

I hope you’re beginning to see why it’s imperative that Terry has been given a great sense of humor.

Then about a month after my surgery, we were back at the Surgery Center with Matthew. He had some major issues with his ears for years and needed to have tubes. It was really no big deal but just another example of life’s hurdles.

Finally, November came and I was allowed to begin bearing weight on my foot and I could start driving again. Hallelujah.

Terry returned to work and our daily routines went back to some form of normalcy. But how normal can you really be with four kids?

In February I was allowed to begin rehab in my foot, which would take about 6 months to complete. Three days a week for 75 minutes. It was a difficult process. I basically had to learn to walk again. The process was painful but with each passing month, I could see and feel progress. And it’s funny how life works that way. We don’t always get to walk the easy terrain, sometimes it’s rough and rocky but in order for you to reach your destination, you must be willing to submit to the process.

In that year, God taught me some valuable lessons. When I struggle with pride, I am reminded that I have absolutely nothing to be puffed up about. Although, I sometimes try hard to find something, especially when it involves my children. When I grow frustrated with Terry and trust me, I do (he does with me too) I am reminded that I have been given a treasure, Just as Terry saw the great need to show us unconditional and unselfish love by taking on the responsibility of being Mr. Mom plus, I too have that same responsibility to him. To love and care for this precious gift God has given to me.‭‭

Friends, we are not promised a life of ease without hurdles and complications. In fact, James tells us:

These things happen in order for us to grow. We persevere through endurance and it stretches our faith. In the same way, my muscles had to he stretched and pain had to be endured for me to to learn to walk again. If I had given up when it for hard, chances are I would’ve walked with a limp.

Can I encourage you today? If you’re going through a trial or hard time, hold onto this truth that God has for you. In the end, it will be for your good and for His glory.

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The Most Horrible News Ever….but Not Really

I sat in utter disbelief. I couldn’t believe my ears. ”We’ve decided that you, Kristi and David will no longer be attending school in Polk County. Beginning in the fall, you will be going to Tryon. We just feel like this is the right move for your education.”

As the words tumbled from their mouths, anger boiled inside. How could they do this to me?

I’m not sure when they made the decision but they decided to wait until we were on vacation to inform us. Talk about a vacation spoiler. Good thing they waited until near the week’s end to spill the beans. I knew better than to argue because their minds were clearly made up.

I fumed.

Finally, I got up and walked out. I walked toward the beach. Tears burned my face. I muttered every curse word in the book and then some. ”Didn’t they realize I already had my Freshman year of high school mapped out? I didn’t need or want a change.”

I found a payphone and called one of my friends. She, too, was unhappy about the decision my parents had made. I’m pretty sure during the course of my conversation with her I called my parents every horrible name my angry brain could muster. Talking to her did calm me down.

Now, here I sit thirty-six years later and I realize that my parents knew what they were doing. It was not a decision they made lightly but it was the best decision for us.

Winston Churchill says, ”There is nothing wrong with change if it is in the right direction.”

Change is hard. It often causes fear and anxiety because of the unknowns. It also pushes us out of our comfort zones into the world of the unfamiliar. It causes the direction to change

What I’ve learned over the years through this experience is that sometimes the direction of our lives must change because in order for us to learn and grow.